Life is a Bitch
Jun 22nd, 2005 at 11:09 am by Susie
I was talking to my friend S. the other night. I was planning to go visit him in Pittsburgh this weekend but things fell through because of his car.
Apparently a new driver (who also happened to be exceedingly drunk) ran up onto the curb, slammed into S.’s car and also demolished the front entrance to his apartment house.
“Well, that’s it. You have me beat,” I said. “I didn’t think anyone could top my oil-soaked-car story, but you did it.”
So now he’s looking for a new car. We talked about that a while, and then somehow we got detoured when he mentioned something about a sex act called a “rusty trombone.”
“What’s that?” I said, always thirsty for knowledge.
“I can’t tell you that. You won’t have any respect for me.”
“I don’t have any respect for you,” I pointed out.
“Well, there’s that,” he agreed. He hemmed and hawed, and finally said, “It’s a tossed salad with a reach-around.”
“What’s a tossed salad?” I said brightly. “You mean it’s not food.”
“Aw geeze, I can’t believe you’re making me say this,” he said. “It’s when you’re eating something you wouldn’t normally be eating.”
“Huh?”
“It’s when you have your tongue on the rear portion…”
“Oh! Analingus,” I said brightly. “Okay, I get that. And the reacharound, okay, now I understand. But why is it a rusty trombone?”
“Because, um, it’s not fast,” he said. “God, I don’t know why you keep me,” he said in an aside to his girlfriend, who was apparently listening.
I should have known. He’s not normally so demure.
Yup, the “rusty trombone” confirmed it for me. I come here for the education. I knew about the tossed salad and the reach around is pretty self explanatory, but the rusty trombone? Wow, who knew.