The Republican Ten Commandments
Jul 5th, 2005 at 5:45 pm by Susie
1. I am the Lord thy God; thou shalt not have strange gods before me. Unless it’s cold, hard cash. Which is okay, because it’s a sign of God’s favor, anyway. Or the Republican party, which is pretty much the same as God.
2. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain. Unless you’re talking to a Democrat. And then it’s okay to use the F-word, too.
3. Remember to keep holy the Lord’s day. And really, if you think about it, football is pretty much a religion. So is retail trade.
4. Honor thy Father and thy Mother. Okay, we’re trying to bag their Social Security and Medicare. But we quote the Bible a lot, so some people don’t believe it.
5. Thou shalt not kill. Unless it’s a strategic war for oil.
6. Thou shalt not commit adultery. In public. Where some Democrat might catch you.
7. Thou shalt not steal. Unless it’s from the Department of Defense budget and you’re a contractor. (See Fifth Commandment.)
8. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor. Unless it’s an election year and polls show it’ll work.
9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife. Not a problem, since so many of us are actually closeted gays.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s goods. Hell, no. Just go in and take it.
Great post. I have been rethinking that whole banning of the ten commandments thing. I am starting to think that at least numbers 5, 6, 7, and 8 should be placed in the chambers of every local, state, and federal legislative bodies as well as executive offices. They should be in big, bright, flashing neon.
Think about it; would the whole WMD thing have happened if, every time bubba looked up he saw, “THOU SHALT NOT LIE!!!!!” flashing at him? And if Bill Clinton had to see, “THOU SHALT NOT COMMITT ADULTERY,” flashing in the Oval Office, would anyone at all know who Monica Lewinski is?
You forgot the best part of number one - no graven images:
(6)I am the LORD your God,…(7)You shall have no other gods before me. (8)You shall not make for yourself a graven image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; (9)you shall not bow down to them or serve them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, (10)but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments. [Deut. 5:6-10; RSV]
A framed, printed paper, a plaque and even a 5,000 pound monument are all graven images. If they really believed their own scriptures, there would be no issue about displaying these things in public. Their own deity forbids it.
Doesn’t a graven image mean a likeness or representation of a an element of nature?
According to your interpretation, the very fact of writing down that commandment violates the commandment.