So yesterday I got a call asking for references, and now I’m waiting. And waiting.

What if I don’t get this job? I keep coming back to the same logical solution: I need to get me one of those MacArthur genius grants.

The MacArthur Fellows Program awards five-year, unrestricted fellowships to individuals across all ages and fields who show exceptional merit and promise of continued creative work. It is limited to U.S. citizens and other residents of the United States.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to be this goshdarned productive and still maintain some semblance of quality - in addition to writing the occasional real-life essays? (Well, not all that hard. I mean, it’s not like digging ditches or anything. But as intellectual work goes, I do have what you might call “prodigious output.” Oo, baby.)

Not only that! As I like to point out to people, I have some level of success in a field for which I have absolutely no academic credentials. Imagine what I could be if I’d gotten half a chance. (Hell, imagine what I could do if I didn’t have to worry about the bills for 10 or so years. Imagine if I could go to the dentist.)

How do you get on this gravy train, you might ask?

Another reason we do not accept applications goes back to the origins of the Fellows Program. From its inception, the Fellows Program represented a radical departure from both traditional philanthropy and conventional funding mechanisms, which are generally organized by discipline and managed through the peer review system. Thus, applications must usually be limited to a specific proposal within a particular discipline. The very individuals whom the program hopes to identify as MacArthur Fellows are often those whose work does not fall clearly within categories established by conventional funding agencies. We rely on a network of nominators to bring these people to our attention.

Hot damn. I read somewhere that a large percentage of the nominators are in the Philadelphia area, accounting for a higher-than-average number of Philadelphia-area recipients. Hey, it’s better odds than a lottery ticket…

Yoo hoo! Nominators! Over here!