The War on Christmas
Dec 28th, 2005 at 7:48 am by Susie
Have you ever read a more perfect opening line?
“I hear they got Rudolph today,” says me.
“No!” says Giblets. “Not Rudolph! With his unmatched dogfighting skills and his nose so bright he was invincible!”“It’s true,” says me. “Zombie Judah Maccabee shot im down over the Island of Misfit Toys with his dreidel of doom.”
“Damn you Hannukah!” says Giblets. “Will your eight days of madness never end!”
“Do you think Santa really has a secret plan to take the Kwanzaan capital an win the war?” says me.
“Of course he does!” says Giblets. “And once Christmas spreads to Kwanzaa it will inspire Hannukhan dissidents to rise up and overthrow their oppressive anti-Christmanian leadership, and from there Christmas will spread to Eid and New Years and Halloween and Arbor Day until every day is Christmas!”
“Work will become obsolete in the new Christmas-based economy,” says me. “All resources will be directly mined from wells of infinite jollity.”
12 days of Fitzmas will always trump 8 days of Chanukkah.