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Jan 24th, 2006 at 6:18 am by Susie

This expert says he’s figured out how men can succeed at marriage.

The problem is, how do you get them to read his article all the way through?

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6 Responses to “Work”

on 24 Jan 2006 at 7:33 am1lutton

Could you give the cliff’s notes version?
on 24 Jan 2006 at 8:47 am2Susie

Lutton, I’m reporting you to your boss. LOL
on 24 Jan 2006 at 1:18 pm3Mike

Haltzman is being quoted as saying:

“Haltzman believes conventional marital therapy often tries to make men more like women — you know, getting in touch with their feelings, talking about their feelings, feeling their wives’ feelings, etc. But this approach is doomed to failure, he says, largely because men and women are equipped with such different hardware from the neck up.”

Having specialized in marital therapy myself, I can tell you that his premise is flawed.

Perhaps the untrained therapist may try this approach in marital therapy. But anyone with any real specialized training in working with couples knows specifically to be much more sophisticated and subtle in their approach to couples than this quote suggests.

For years, marital therapy was simply individual therapy done on two people at the same time. No longer. There are many therapies designed specifically for couples. And yes, these approaches (and Haltzman’s if you read his suggestions btw) encourage men to develop some “feminist” skills. But my experience is that men are much better for it as human beings. Incidently, most decent therapies encourage woman to develop some “masculine” skills, which is enriching for them as human beings.

Looks to me like this guy is simply trying to enter an already
on 24 Jan 2006 at 1:22 pm4Mike

(thanks wordpress, continued from above)

…. an already overcrowded theoretical sub-specialty. If you are in need of realtionship help (or more likely, a woman trying to drag “him” into therapy without having to threaten divorce), find a therapist trained or certified in a marital therapy. You’ll do fine and save yourself the $30 bucks of Haltzman’s book.
on 24 Jan 2006 at 10:49 pm5der

Has Haltzman been talking to Larry Summers? 5 gears to sex? WTF? Men are from mars women are from venus? I’m reading this and laughing and thinking about the Seinfeld where George wanted to do the “move” and couldn’t remember the sequence and first time she asks what he was doing and he answers “pleasuring you?” and the second time he writes a crib on the palms of his hands and gets caught - Haltzman’s advice could have been boiled down to paragraph - pretend you both are in a bar and you’re buying her drinks and trying to get laid and do all that schmooze shit you do, and if that doesn’t work try it on someone else and if it works then marry her.

What the hell we all have our stories of what worked what didn’t and my experience trying all or most of his mostly “christianized” marriage advice and still we couldn’t make it go was realizing we just didn’t love each other anymore. I have a few friends who seemed to be doing all this in their marriages and while she’s pregnant with their second child and they’re laughing and cuddling so cutely in the corner at the neighborhood cookouts his girlfriend was worshipping the porcelain with morning sickness - and now the two of them are doing the “steps” to a happy marriage.

“Collect data. Observe her in mundane situations where she reveals herself: at the sidelines at a kid’s game; when she’s with her best friend; at a restaurant or coffee shop; and before, during and after sex.”

I can’t stop laughing at the image this brings up. - Uh could we stop for a minute I need to jot something down … Hokay I’m ready where were we?
on 28 Jan 2006 at 8:11 am6J. Noone

*How women can succeed at marriage: 1. Suck his dick 2. Play with his balls 3. Fix him a sandwich 4. Shut the fuck up

The base simplicity of our gender is our strength.

*courtesy of Dave Chapelle

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