The Unkindest Cut
Jan 26th, 2006 at 10:06 am by Susie
Because I’m working poor (not as poor as I used to be, but I’m not exactly rolling in disposable income), I get my hair cut ($12) every four months or so at one of those beauty school clinics. They always do nice work, but downtown parking is a real problem. The meters are only good for an hour and since these are student beauticians, an appointment lasts two or more hours.
Well! Yesterday, I found out they had another student clinic, relatively close to where I live. So I went there last night.
Not good. I mean, probably not a bad haircut, assuming I was the kind of person who actually wanted to look like Dorothy Hamill. And to make matters worse, the student cut it so short, there’s not much to work with. (I tried; I came home and started chopping it myself, I was that unhappy.)
My face also hurts from telling the stylist (through clenched teeth), “Oh, yeah, it’s really nice.” I mean, I wasn’t wearing my glasses while she cut; I had only a vague idea of what she was doing.
This is all by way of saying that if you see me anywhere in the next few months, I will most likely be wearing a hat. Oh well. At least it’ll make Resolution #2 that much easier to keep.
Unless, of course, I run into someone whose life goal is to bang Dorothy Hamill’s brains out.
>
*Always* one step ahead. I was going to ask if you thought that guys just don’t get turned on by chicks with short hair.
Gug
If you look like a 16-year-old Dorothy Hammill, you are in much better shape than the rest of us.
Two suggestions:
1. Try a berret or something else to divert and highlight.
2. Try expanding the meaning of “bang her brains out” until you reach a more pleasant image.
Here’s my method–unless your hair is quite short, it might work for you:
1. Get a sharp set of scizzors.
2. Wash your hair. Comb a rinse through it.
3. Comb your hair straight up to the top of your head–the highest point when your posture is all it should be.
4. Twist your hair into a spiral and clip off the ends.
5. Your hair is now perfectly layered. (I usually do it again, twisted in the other direction, to assure evenness.)
6. You may find it too layered at this point. Carefully part your hair in the middle and comb it straight down this time, to two points plumb under each ear. Trim the points. Check the points together (one in each hand) as you trim to be sure the length on both sides is even.
This won’t result in anything startling either way, but it saves the $12.00 and a lot of time.
That said, sometimes you want something startling, in the good way. And that’s when you need a pro. If you’re ever in NYC, have $120.00 plus tips to spare and could use an ego boost that’ll last 4-6 weeks, let me know.
If it’s any consolation, guys who wear glasses have to remove them while having their hair cut, too, and sometimes get strange results (though admittedly not nearly as frustrating).
When fools ask, depending on the context, my favorite response is always “It Grows”. Yes, it is from the movie Sometimes A Great Notion but won’t be found anywhere in the book. And yes, it is a bit in-your-face but I did caveat with “depending on the context” (and it is the kind of guy I am. ‘Course the best comeback is to baldies - take off your hat and say “I think folks that can grow their hair should…
Funny thing these days, when I go down to the VFW better than half of us have hair down to our elbows. I wonder what’s up with that?
And I’m just not all that sure that you’re all that sure about number two.
Ooh, Molly, I’m going to try your suggestions.
Susie, I’ve just been letting my hair grow unchecked rather than spend the money getting it cut. Too bad my long hair isn’t thick and beautiful. I could add Mom Jeans and Birkenstocks…and you’d get the un-pretty picture. (Luckily, I don’t own Birkenstocks.)
While you are waiting for your hair to grow out, I suggest that you twirl intermittently as you walk down the street. The Hamill cut was always about the twirling.
There’s nothing quite like the slow, sickening, utterly helpless feeling that accompanies a haircut going wrong.
But Susie, you are so good at extracting the deep-buried humor in these sorts of situations.
Put up a pic so we can tell you it’s not as bad as you think.
And speaking of pics, how come we haven’t seen any in so long? You used to post so many “weather through the windshield” shots back in the day.
It was a couple of things. One is that the photo-editing software with which I worked was on my old computer, and that’s hosed. And once I switched to WordPress, I just can’t seem to size them correctly.
I’ll figure it out eventually.
26 days … I’m in the pool at 45-55 days … please wear the hat for 3 weeks … I tol’ ya’ that subliminal play list meant something. or you could try this mantra - George Bush!
Oh and Susie, just one more thing can you kind of not give any speeches for the next 3 weeks too? please - If I win I’ll split the pot … Promise
Sex calms nerves before public speaking – study
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060125/hl_nm/sex_dc;_ylt=AtIw1rXrq97SslDVCHkYzYKs0NUE;_ylu=X3oDMTA3ODdxdHBhBHNlYwM5NjQ
I’m actually one of those rare people who doesn’t mind speaking in public at all. In fact, I’d rather speak to 250 complete strangers than go to a party where I hardly know anyone.
whew! then I don’t have #10 to worry about. good.