Suburban Guerrilla

The Pool

Jan 26th, 2006 at 5:05 pm by Susie

Okay, if all y’all are going to start a Resolution No. 2 pool, I want in. (I could use the money.) But I’m warning you, I’m the mistress of my domain.

How much are the bets, and what’s the point spread?

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18 Responses to “The Pool”

on 26 Jan 2006 at 5:27 pm1der

you said spending cash was tight, how do we know you can put in the ante? and who holds the pot? can’t be you cause now we know public speaking doesn’t make you nervous but pot … that’s different … ’cause in the whole celibate thing I was thinking drugs and alcohol would be part of it and … you know the whole de-tox cleansing thing. I don’t know, this changes everything …
on 26 Jan 2006 at 6:50 pm2Mike

I want a piece of the action!
on 26 Jan 2006 at 8:13 pm3Susie

Der:

1) Cash not an issue, I won’t lose.
2) Drugs and alcohol were never a factor in Resolution No. 2-type issues.
3) Don’t weasel out, people might think you’re a Democratic congressman.

Mike:
I told you - there’s not going to BE any action. Isn’t that the point?
on 26 Jan 2006 at 8:17 pm4Izquierdo

How are you defining celibate?
How many of the items below does it include?:
No he-ing amd she-ing
No he-ing and he-ing
No she-ing and she-ing
Or no me-ing and me-ing

And is this a pool about all of the bettors’ abstinence, or is it just to see how long Susie can remain the Suzerain of Suburbia?
on 26 Jan 2006 at 8:19 pm5Izquierdo

I wonder if Suzerain should have an “e” at the end in this case.
on 26 Jan 2006 at 8:35 pm6Susie

Terms: No sex with humans or pets until I have completed one complete draft of novel.

I assumed I was the object of the pool. Why would anyone else subject themselves?
on 26 Jan 2006 at 10:05 pm7der

Subject themself to what, pray tell? Who judges what is a complete draft? and the pets are no part of it? and with all these new rules how can i, Moi! be accused of weaseling. It’s like the bar keeps moving is this the limbo? or shuld that be purgatory? believe me after 45 days you’ll think it’s hell - been there done that, or is it done that been there? my mind is filled with …. confusing, everythings a blur, show me the light … and like turn left asked are we the ones that can’t have sex with the pets? cause if that’s true I now have to go out and get a pet … my life is in tatters … what chapter are you on? cause I’m thinking setup here like where the heroine is about to jump from the train or steal the diamonds … or abuse their bloggers and then it’s THE END like 3 pages away … I think I burned the popcorn … is this Kansas? sex with humans huh? that thought’ll keep me awake all night or is that up all night, aaaarrrrrrgggghhhhh!
on 26 Jan 2006 at 10:28 pm8Susie

There, there, der. It’ll all be okay.
on 26 Jan 2006 at 10:32 pm9der

I think I’ve experienced transference … don’t celibate people turn into republicans? I mean as unhappy and mean as they are it’s gotta be the no-sex tonite thing or something …. but I don’t want to be a republican!
on 26 Jan 2006 at 10:37 pm10Susie

No, celibate people don’t turn into Republicans. I know a lot of very radical nuns.

The reason Republicans are so unhappy is the lack of blowjobs. I thought you knew that.
on 26 Jan 2006 at 10:56 pm11der

Ok, knowing that I have no plans on helping them out of their miserable state - may they always be unhappy! until now I always that it was the cigarette and cognac after that brought out the smiles.
on 26 Jan 2006 at 11:14 pm12Cheney's Ass

Does masturbation count?
Sitting on the washing machine during the spin cycle?
No orgasms whatsoever?
on 26 Jan 2006 at 11:34 pm13Tim

Given a recent post of yours gushing about how you felt reading an historic document (from the Civil War, I believe), I’d caution you to stay away from historians for the duration. I realize the person who gave you the document was “safe” in that regard but it suggested to me that you have at least that weak spot. If you’re serious about writing a novel AND being celibate, as if one stress was not enough. Good luck!
on 26 Jan 2006 at 11:48 pm14Susie

Oh, I appreciate anyone who’s truly passionate about what they do. It has nothing to do with any specific discipline - I just enjoy people who enjoy doing what they love.
on 27 Jan 2006 at 12:09 am15Izquierdo

I don’t understand whether this is a pool (like we try to guess the exact date Suzie will fall off the wagon, and the closest guess wins), or a simple bet or series of simple bets (will she or won’t she, with all takers making individual wagers with Susie.)

Also, the masturbation question (which was the basis of the Seinfeld episode) has not been addressed. That’s a tricky one — is it OK to rub a little or do some judicious muscle squeezing (or more than a little) as long as you don’t climax?

And what does “sex” include and exclude? In contemposrary usage in many circles “sex” means vaginal or anal intercourse, but not oral sex, mutual masturbation, etc.

Sorry to be so specific, but ya gotta be specific in this case.

I thought that celibacy meant that you didn’t do it with a priest or nun.
on 27 Jan 2006 at 7:13 am16der

Specific! Man this is getting out of hand (no pun intended). It’s like the weight guesser part in Steve Martin’s The Jerk - “Win some crap! What do I win if you’re wrong? Anything between the pencils and the erasers!”

Side bets with Susie? She can’t be trusted - haven’t ya’ll been paying attention to how she keeps moving the goal posts (there’s another image!) it’s distressing and nerve wracking to boot, what do we tell the children? “I lost the lunch money to some bet on someone doing something in the privacy of their own castle and I lost it ’cause I took their word for it?” I’m not falling for that one - again. Then I’m back in rehab meeting with my Gambling on Celibacy and Sex Group and some of those people are their for the coffee and the donuts and companionship ’cause otherwise they don’t have a life - spending their free time sitting in front of a computer writing neurotic messages to total strangers, they think, as far as I know I’m writing to just one person who keeps changing their name - it’s
Susie, then it’s Izquierdo or Tim or Cheney’s ass - ugghh! that helps - celibacy for at least another week with that last thought.

Isn’t celibacy a state? is it in the mid-West or on one of the coasts? What’s it like there? do they have a coffee and donut shop?
on 27 Jan 2006 at 9:43 pm17daveminnj

celibacy is a state of mind; you don’t actually have to change any habits. it’s kind of a faith-based supply-side thing.
btw-since i’m too embarassed to ask my beloved- do women have as many wet dreams as men do?
on 27 Jan 2006 at 11:38 pm18daveminnj

apologies,everybody.
didn’t mean to lower the tone of
the discussion. was a little more buzzed than i realized at the time.
don’t drink and type.

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The Pool

18 Responses to “The Pool”

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