A Brief Philosophical Pause
Jan 30th, 2006 at 12:58 pm by Susie
C.S. Lewis in “The Four Loves,” on St. Augustine’s admonition to love only God, because God is eternal and everything else will pass away:
Who could conceivably begin to love God on such a prudential ground–because the security (so to speak) is better? Who could even include it among the grounds for loving? Would you choose a wife or a Friend–if it comes to that, would you choose a dog–in this spirit? One must be outside the world of love, of all loves, before one thus calculates.
Werther in his last letter to Charlotte after her rejection of him reacting to his assault of her and her final words to him - “This is the last time! Werther you will never see me again!” and in the pain and suffering of his heart Werther writes “Now I am still my own - yours!-how can I be annihilated? how can you? We exist! Annihilation another word, an empty sound, and cannot touch my heart.”
Does Lewis write from the pain of unreturned love? And tell that the only “true” love exists between man and god and that charity - god’s love - is outside of human love and should not be included with the natural loves of man, the animal?
Joseph Campbell writes of unconditional love and the misuse of the word - because of the conditions we put on the definition we then condition the “unconditional” and that to commit yourself to another is very different to love evereybody unconditionally. The Dalai Lama loves undonditionally but us mere mortals - feeling, breathing, needing, wanting, longing beings should think of loving with compassion. Can god’s gift of grace come through charity? and further be given freely to both friend and foe?
Does it follow that it’s required to belive in god to have and feel this level of love? I would disagree from my own experience of love - to feel the equal levels of love, the 4 that Lewis writes of - affection, friendship, romantic (not lust), and charity - is he seperating out Paul’s statement that love is greater than faith and hope? I don’t have the inclination to explore it in that way but do experience different levels - know the feeling of wanting, lust, and know the difference with empathy and compassion.
Some spiritual teachings, at least the one’s I’m familiar with, hold that love is our true essence and our expression of the goddess(god) and the one that is within each of us. Whether one believes that or not it sure beats violance, hatred, and war.
On a different topic and a little less playful with my comments about women with a sense of humor and who are funny (and Res II). I can only write as one guy and not generalize - for the most part I think we only tell half of what we’re thinking and feeling anyway and of the other half we’re making half of that up. As a guy I like to joke around too, and sometimes we guys, or maybe it’s more then sometimes, get carried away with the joking, guys put an end to it with each other by being snarky, sarcastic and sometimes physical - you see our boundary is to get a reaction that steps close to emotional torture. My experience with the women in my life who I can act like that with is being unsure of the boundary and not knowing how far is too far or just far enough. In the show Defending the Caveman the comedian talks about how guys relate - “I did this, I did that, you lose!” and that’s the unwritten rule and he tells how that doesn’t work with women being - “I brought them you have to put them out” and the response the woman makes not getting it and seeing the sophmoric antics she calls him an “asshole”. It’s the crossing the line and being labeled asshole that is unsettling so wanting to avoid that unsettled feeling it’s better if we just didn’t joke with one another - ’cause I don’t know where the line is and I’ll likely cross it and piss you off and if it matters I don’t want you to think of me as an asshole. Being a funny woman, joking and kidding, just creates confusion so let’s not do it.
Now the growth in the relationship - going to Lewis’ level of friendship love and acceptance and compassion - comes in being ok with the jokes when they’re funny and say when they’re not and if it changes the relationship then it becomes one of was this relationship one that was meant to last.
Separate from that is the question of jokes and joking and humor having a place in the romantic relationship? And it’s one that should be answered the first time one or the other is offended then you define the line and what’s acceptable.