Suburban Guerrilla

Bad Mommy

Aug 23rd, 2006 at 7:54 am by Susie

Another example of how non-Stepford Mommies get slapped for their honesty. Personally, I think she’s probably not as detached as she likes to sound - but it made a better story.

Posted in Uncategorized

12 Responses to “Bad Mommy”

on 23 Aug 2006 at 8:18 am1julia

You know, I really dislike this unpleasant woman suggesting that she’s blazing a new trail by having someone else raise her children so they won’t inconvenience her. There is an entire class of parent that has been getting a free ride if they want to behave this way for years. They call them “daddies” who do speak of them.

And, as a matter of fact, there is a daddy here, and he’s not reading bedtime stories either.

I also very much doubt a nanny who was desperate enough for a job to work for someone who regularly makes her work overtime so she won’t have to come into contact with her children at the end of the day is reporting back bitchy things the other mums say at birthday parties.

As for Stepford, one of the prime signs that a wife had been gotten to was that she kept the kids out of the way so they wouldn’t disturb her husband and started getting her hair done a lot.

I have all the sympathy in the world for mothers of young children, particularly if as in this case they don’t have the support of their husbands in childrearing. It’s hard, hard work.

I also think this woman is a dick.
on 23 Aug 2006 at 9:05 am2Susie

I suppose my point is, while she certainly sounds unusually disinterested (personally, I enjoyed my kids) I don’t think she’s any more toxic than the over-involved parents who are arguing to get their child transferred to the “other” kindergarten class because that teacher has a higher percentage of children who are accepted by Harvard.

And no, I’m not making that up.

Plus, who the hell invites ten-month-olds to birthday parties, anyway?
on 23 Aug 2006 at 11:03 am3James Guglielmino

No, she isn’t any more toxic. She is the opposite end of the spectrum, kind of like the wingnut right vs the wingnut left. I hasten to add that I empathasize with her (even though she *is* a dick)because to a large extent, that was the kind of parent that I was. Like her, I loved and still love my children, but I was not emotionally well suited to be a parent. Probably, that has to do with being self centered. I don’t have any answers that make any sense to me. My children, all females, aged from 42 to 28, and I enjoy a good relationship, but I do not and will not try to defend my approach to parenting. This woman shouldn’t either.
on 23 Aug 2006 at 11:40 am4merciless

Historically, the upper classes never raised their own children. It was only the lower classes, who could not afford servants, wet-nurses, and governesses, who attended to that chore personally.

If her children grow up to be productive members of society, nothing will be said. If they step out of line, it will be her fault.

I’m with you, Susie, I enjoy my daughter very much. But it’s still a big, long-term, mind-numbing chore to raise a child.
on 23 Aug 2006 at 12:26 pm5serial catowner

As a nurse, one night I got posted to the psych floor. These guys were so underworked I had nothing to do all night but read every chart in the place.

Turned out that a full half of the patients were stay-at-home moms with no hope of ever getting a job. No so amazingly, they had just snapped- some just got in the car and started driving, some stopped saying anything at all and hid in bed, some destroyed all the furniture and cursed their fate.

Natually, this behavior was so incomprehensible to their Christian (sic) friends and family that they were bundled off to the insane asylum. To be tried on a variety of drugs until they were ready once again to spend the rest of their lives with children.

On the way home I bought a fresh pack of condoms.
on 23 Aug 2006 at 12:45 pm6Susie

I had a fundie friend who snapped like that. Three kids under five, she came home late one night, dropped off the groceries and hitchhiked south. She got raped before she finally made it back home. Her church members told her she didn’t need counseling, just prayer.
on 23 Aug 2006 at 1:32 pm7brendan

“Historically, the upper classes never raised their own children. It was only the lower classes, who could not afford servants, wet-nurses, and governesses, who attended to that chore personally.”

Tell me about it. My babymamma’s best friend (and incidentally the one who urged her to keep baby, and that she would support her blah blah blah) is the nanny for Arlen Specter’s grandkids. The young’ns apparently have imprinted on her, and now are more likely to obey the nanny than their own mother.

I enjoy my son (when i have him), and in fact don’t mind the boring repetive stuff all that much (but if I have to read “The Monster At the End of this Book” one more time, I may lose my shit entirely). OTOH I have no sympathy at all for whatever boredom, ennui, etc his mom has to deal with everyday. But then my case is a little different…
on 23 Aug 2006 at 3:10 pm8Cos

WTF? Yeah, so she’s being honest. So what! Toxic is toxic. Bet she can’t wait until they’re teenagers! I’ll bet she CAN wait for her grandchildren. I’ll bet she hasn’t stopped lamenting about her stretch marks. I’m thinking she got knocked out for both births.

I wonder if things wouldn’t have turned out a little different if she had girls?

I too think she’s a “dick” and hope she’s gotten her tubes tied since.
on 23 Aug 2006 at 4:27 pm9PhilW

Completely agree with Susie…this was written with a British sense of humour.

Kids are too coddled nowadays and it shows. Also families are smaller now - Moms had no time to spend on one kid when there where 3 or 6 others to look after. Every one of my siblings complain the birth of the next one meant they lost attention from the parents.
on 23 Aug 2006 at 6:30 pm10mercury

I know it’s rough for parents, particularly moms — I’m a father of three and God knows I battle boredom — but goddamn, why have them at all if you’re going to be as selfish about it as this woman seems to be? What was she thinking? What do these people want?

Kids pick up on parental indifference and while they shouldn’t be overly coddled or smothered, they should be treated with respect and shown love and interest — even if you have to fake it sometimes. That ain’t being a Stepford parent, that’s being a fucking human. It’s the parent who got them into this mess, after all.

She had a real valid basic point — ANY parent knows exactly what she means — but rather than coming off good-naturedly straightforward I thought she came off as cold, selfish and clueless, British humor or no. Me no likee.
on 23 Aug 2006 at 9:34 pm11julia

Well, I’ll certainly admit that she’s no more offensive than Caitlin Flannagan, but she’s also feeding in to the stereotype of unfeeling mothers that’s Caitlin Flannagan’s bread and butter. If they were ever in the same room, I’m guessing they’d both suffer total existence failure (oh, wait. They already have. Never Mind).

See, thing is, Susie, you’ve met my sprog. (I think) she’s adult-friendly and agreeable, and I’ve spent far too much of her life working ten or twelve hours a day.

When I am home, though, I spend time with her, because she’s interesting, she has a fresh perspective, she’s fun to talk to, and because she deserves better than to have the people who are supposed to be making sense of the world for her define her as something that’s more trouble than it’s worth.

Her father picks up a lot of the slack, for the same reasons.

I suspect that giving her attention as her due and as something of value to us is one of the things that fed into her not being unpleasant because it was the only way she could get attention.

For all that it’s been damn hard, I’m lucky, and not everyone is, and I know that. I think you know that I’m not romantic about the rosy-tinted fantasies of attachment parenthood either.

But treating someone who only exists because you chose that they would in a way that you would never consider treating businessman hubby’s shithead boss because there’s a reward for being nice to him is soulless.
on 23 Aug 2006 at 10:40 pm12Susie

Julia, your daughter is delightful and I know you and John put much thought into her upbringing. I think far too many people have children rather casually, the way they’d buy a nice new rug on impulse, and the children end up being treated as lifestyle accessories.

Trackback URI |

Bad Mommy

12 Responses to “Bad Mommy”

My Liberal Identity:

Recent Posts

Archives

Categories

Tags

Pages