Archive | Humor

Trump’s plan to stop school shootings

Donald Trump thinks real life is reality TV, or an old cowboy movie. To counter the threat of more mass shootings in schools, he wants to issue guns to 20 percent of schoolteachers in America. The movie version of his idea should star Clint Eastwood as an octogenarian teacher:

FADE IN
Young wacko enters schoolroom toting a semi-automatic rifle. A teacher confronts him. The wacko squares off with the teacher while students hide under their desks.

WACKO (Smiling) This school ain’t big enough for the both of us, old man.
TEACHER (Smiling) Feelin’ lucky, punk? You better git while the gittin’s good.

Wacko raises rifle and aims. Teacher whips out concealed handgun and shoots wacko dead before he can kill any students. Skinny student emerges from under desk.

STUDENT (Shouting) You killed him, Mr. Callahan! You shot him with your gun!
TEACHER: (Whispering) I did, Johnny. You run along now and tell the principal the showdown is over. The rest of you boys and girls can go home now. Tomorrow I’ll get back to learnin’ you how to read and write.

Patriotic music swells. Credits roll. Teacher slips gun into concealed holster and puts on cowboy hat.

CUT TO:
Setting sun faces teacher as he strolls out of school and into parking lot, casting a long shadow.
FADE OUT

2

Trump’s defense: A house is not a hole

Leave it to the worst U.S. president in history to bring the office down a few more notches by making this remark at a meeting about immigration last week: “Why are we having all these people from shithole countries come here?”

The Washington Post reported the quotation, and that was that for a day or so, until it dawned on the dummy-in-chief that people outside his base thought his remark had been despicable.

So then, of course, he tweeted “…this was not the language used at the meeting.”

Democratic Sen. Dick Durbin, who was present at the meeting, rebuked Trump and added that the “shithole” remark was in keeping with the rest of what Trump had said to those in attendance: “He said these hate-filled things and he said them repeatedly.” And Republican Sen. Lindsay Graham, also at the meeting, more-or-less went along with the Post’s account.

But then, incredibly, Trump attempted to turn the shitstorm in his favor by trotting out two Republican lackeys — Sen. Tom Cotton of Arkansas and Sen. David Perdue of Georgia, both at the meeting — who reportedly said that our fearless leader had said “shithouse” countries, not “shithole” countries.

Scholars took note. The leader of the free world might have said “shithouse” instead of “shithole.” Untold millions had begun to wonder if Trump harbored cruelly racist feelings about poor, non-white peoples and was stupid enough to voice those feelings in front of congressional leaders at a meeting about immigration.

Thank God he cleared that up!

Sarah Silverman befriends her troll and pays for his medical care

Sexist Troll Attacks Sarah Silverman Online, And Her Response Reveals Horrifying Truth Behind His Anger

While Sarah Silverman is a comedian renowned for being unafraid of vulgarity, she recently showed her soft side to a Twitter user who insulted her over politics. Silverman originally tweeted that she was open to having a discussion with Donald Trump supporters about their differing political views on social media, should the opportunity arise; but despite her polite wording in the post, a Twitter user named Jeremy Jamrozy called Silverman a sexist… Continue Reading →

Alec Baldwin gives Iowa Democrats a crash course In Trumpology

Alec Baldwin a hit for Democrat trying buzz

Alec Baldwin went to Iowa as a “professor of advanced Trumpology and abnormal psychology,” welcoming attendees to “Trump University. Bleeding Heartland: Baldwin began by playing professor “of advanced Trumpology and abnormal psychology,” welcoming students to Trump University. The school has “two stringent requirements for matriculation”: 1) students write checks made out to Donald Trump personally, and… Continue Reading →

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