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The vagina monologues

From Brendan.ROFLMAO…

“Hello, Representative Jim Stamas’ office.”

“Hi my name is Brendan Skwire. So…. now that Majority Leader Stamas has made clear that using a word like -well, you know the word, it rhymes with “angina”- can get you kicked out of the House of Represetatives, I have a question.”

“Yes?”

“My wife and I are going to the ob-gyn next week, and we need to know what word to use instead of.. well, you know.”

“Sir, I’m afraid that we don’t have a list of replacements.”

“Wha–? But why not? I mean, if ‘the V-word’ can get you kicked out of the People’s house indefinitely, it’s clear that it’s not acceptable for public use. Please, help me. I don’t want to offend our doctor, my wife needs their services.”

“I’m sorry, sir I can’t help you–”

“What about ‘baby-hole’? is that OK?”

“Sir–”

“Or ‘pee-pee place’? What about “special secret spot’? I’m just asking for guidance.”

“Sir, i can’t help you. Do you even live in this district?”

“I have no idea,” I replied. “I’m just trying to do my due diligence.” Meanwhile, Christina, who was witnessing this exchange, was biting her lip trying to keep from laughing.

“Look,” I went on. “if Representative Stamas prohibits the the word vagina (i said it in a whisper> in public, it’s your responsibility to provide a substitute. If we can’t use the V-word, how can my wife discuss her issues with her doctor?

“And believe me, I understand your discomfort,” I added. Nobody likes that word vagina. It’s icky. Lady parts in general are icky, but that’s the hole that babies come out of. If there were some way to make the babies without having to look at that disgusting, smelly thing they have between their legs, life would be a lot easier, am I right?” C gave me a scowl from across the room.

“I mean, they really are disgusting, aren’t they? All wet and clammy and ugly,” I continued. “It’s looks like liverwurst gone bad. So kudos to Mr. Stamas for exorcising even mentioning it in the public square. Oh, what about ‘hoo-hah’ or ‘vajayjay’, would that be acceptable?”

“Sir… sigh. You can use whatever word you want, it’s your decision.”

“No, it’s not actually. Majority Leader Stamas says so. And I don’t want to run afoul of the law.

“So this is what i want you to do. I’m going to call back later this week, and I want you to have a list of approved words to replace that icky, medicinal-sounding vagina. Can you do this for me?”

The guy sighed again. I wonder how many of these phone calls he’s fielded this week. “Sir, I can pass your message along to the Majority Leader.”

“Thanks,” I said. “And one more thing before I hang up?

“Vagina,” I said. “Vagina, vaginavaginavaginavagina,vaginaVAGINA!!!!!!!

Welcome, Mittens!

QUAKERTOWN-Ahead of Mitt Romney’s visit, outsourced and unemployed Pennsylvania voters will speak out on Saturday at noon in front of Romney’s bus stop at the WaWa on route 663. As Mitt Romney touts his business experience to local voters, residents will highlight the impact outsourcing has had on Pennsylvania.

“Romney made most of his money off a company that buys businesses only to shut them down and ship the jobs overseas. He has no business coming here and talking about his vision for the economy. We already know that his vision for the economy includes shipping good jobs overseas and leaving low wage jobs here,” said Mary Downing of Warminster.

WHAT: 99% Rally and Speak Out: Rolling Out the Un-Welcome Mat for Mitt
WHEN: Saturday, June 16, 2012 at 12pm
WHERE: (In front of) Wawa Gas Station, 1960 John Fries Highway, Quakertown, PA

A lesson

When interest groups turn the heat up on Obama, he responds.

President Obama will announce a new immigration policy today that will allow some undocumented youths to avoid deportation and receive work permits to remain in the United States. Students in the U.S. who are in deportation proceedings or those who would have qualified for the DREAM Act and have yet to come forward to Department of Homeland Security officials will not be deported and will be allowed to work in the United States.


Though exact details of the plan are still unclear, it could benefit as many as one million undocumented studentsliving in the country, and it will almost certainly have tangible benefits for the long-term health of the American economy.

Student loans

Everyone should read this. They’ve been bundled, sliced and diced and turned into derivatives – just like mortgages.

And we all know how well that turned out!

Le Bec Fin

Loved this place and I’m happy to see it restored. I especially loved the fact that you could get an early seating of their dinner for $38 instead of the regular $125 fixed price. I used to take my sales team here to reward them, back in the days when I had a company Amex. Although it was five-star French service, it never felt stuffy. I wouldn’t have gone back if it did.

Thyroidland

I’m pretty sure this ongoing headache/stiff neck combo is somehow connected to the thryoid meds, because I’ve founds dozens of people online also complaining about it. Okay, not actual “people” – just women. And as we all know, if the menz don’t complain about something, it can’t possibly be true. Unless it is, as these things so often turn out to be, true.

The headache was still there when I woke up at 5 a.m.

I talked to the endocrinologist this morning and of course he says it has “nothing” to do with the medication. Even though the FDA site says it does – but what do they know? When I pushed him on it, he abruptly said, “I don’t know what to tell you. If it bothers you, stop taking the medication.” Very helpful!

Time to find a new doctor, I guess.

This sounds vaguely familiar

Doesn’t it? I wonder if it will have a different ending this time:

Sir Mervyn King has announced emergency measures to help banks and boost business lending after a warning from George Osborne that the “debt storm” raging on the continent had left the UK and the rest of Europe facing their most serious economic crisis outside wartime.


In a joint proposal between the Bank of England and the Treasury, banks will receive cut-price funds provided they pass on the benefits to their business customers.


This new “funding for lending” scheme could provide an £80bn boost to loans to the private sector within weeks and alleviate growing fears of a second slump since the start of the financial crisis in 2007.


In a second scheme the Bank will begin pumping a minimum of £5bn a month within the next few days into City institutions to improve their liquidity.

Hahahahahahaha! “Provided the pass on the benefits to their business customers.” Of course, they won’t put it in writing and make it a condition of accepting the funds. They’ll just shake hands on it, these bankers are men of honor, after all.

Rich Greeks feel fine

From Guardian UK:

But since the outbreak of Greece’s runaway debt crisis, its moneyed class has been notable more by its absence than presence. Oligarchs, who made vast fortunes cornering the oil, gas, construction and banking industries, as well as the media, have been eerily silent – often going out of their way to be as low a profile as possible.

Greek shipowners, who have gained from their profits being tax-free and who control at least 15% of the world’s merchant freight, have also remained low-key. With their wealth offshore and highly secretive, the estimated 900 families who run the sector have the largest fleet in the world. As Athens’ biggest foreign currency earner after tourism, the industry remitted more than $175bn (£112bn) to the country in untaxed earnings over the past decade. Greece’s debt currently stands at €280bn.

As ordinary Greeks have been thrown into ever greater poverty by wage and pension cuts and a seemingly endless array of new and higher taxes, their wealthy compatriots have been busy either whisking their money out of Greece or snapping up prime real estate abroad…

Why you don’t have a job

(H/T to the reader who suggested this, whose name I can’t find.) From the Economic Populist, this piece explains how automated software is screening qualified people out of the job application process. While Mr. Cappelli is saying that companies are short-staffed and using software because of the overwhelming volume of applications, the real problem is that employers are demanding unrealistic qualifications and then blaming the applicant pool and the schools for the fact that they’re not offering enough of a salary to attract the high skill level they want.

This isn’t specific to this recession. When I was a recruiter, I saw employers turn into petty tyrants after 9/11, demanding absurd combinations of skill sets at lower wages because they were convinced they had the upper hand. Now, large corporations are using the inability to get qualified workers at slave wages as an excuse to bring in lower-paid workers from other countries. Progress!

Finally someone speaks the truth about U.S. employers claiming they just can’t find people for job openings. Wharton Business School Professor Peter Cappelli has analyzed why employers dare to claim they cannot find people to hire when the United States has over 27 million people needing a job.

There is no skills shortage, none. In fact employers are being absolutely ridiculous in their hiring practices. It’s so bad, employers use software and third party rejection job application websites, which pretty much guarantee a candidate will be rejected. These websites and software are like virtual wastebaskets for your resume. No human involved, it’s automatic, guaranteed rejection. It’s so bad, an HR executive applied for his own job and was rejected.

A Philadelphia-area human-resources executive told Mr. Cappelli that he applied anonymously for a job in his own company as an experiment. He didn’t make it through the screening process.

Another factor that contributes to the perception of a skills gap is that most employers now use software to handle job applications, adding rigidity to the process that screens out all but the theoretically perfect candidate. Most systems, for example, now ask potential applicants what wage they are seeking — and toss out those who put down a figure higher than the employer wants. That’s hardly a skill problem. Meanwhile, applicants are typically assessed almost entirely on prior experience and credentials, and a failure to meet any one of the requirements leads to elimination. One manager told me that in his company 25,000 applicants had applied for a standard engineering job, yet none were rated as qualified.


Watch the above interview with Professor Cappelli on the real problem with employers these days. It is not that people are lacking skills, it is employers have impossible requirements.


We’ve written about this many times, so it’s thrilling to see a Wharton School Professor amplify the insanity.

A 2011 Accenture survey found that only 21% of U.S. employees had received any employer-provided formal training in the past five years.


This is so obvious it hurts. If employers really wanted people, they would train them. That’s what employers did right up until the 1980’s or so. By 2000, companies wanted instant ready disposable workers.


Cappelli is hitting the press. The truth is employers do not want to hire U.S. workers, Americans. In some cases employers do not want to hire anyone at all, they think it’s cheaper to leave positions unfilled!   Hopefully this time some employers will wake up, realize to grow a business, one needs people. Maybe some will actually train some people.

The challenge will be getting top leaders of organizations to admit they are a big part of the problem, and to change their ways. Software can be coded so it is less restrictive. Leaders could pay higher market wages where necessary. And they could make more investments in training. That costs money, to be sure, but so does leaving jobs open that could be of significant value to the company (not to mention the economy at large).


Judging from employers’ initial reaction, however, that’s unlikely to happen anytime soon. After writing the initial Wall Street Journal story, Cappelli heard from a few corporate leaders who told him there was really nothing they could do. He suggested he’d come out and take a close look at what they’re doing. “Nobody ever takes me up on that,” he says. “That usually shuts things up pretty quickly.”

Just plain evil

Walmart. This one really takes the cake.

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