Death Warmed Over
May 30th, 2005 at 9:32 pm by Susie
It was gray and drizzly, so we went to a restaurant for Memorial Day burgers instead of cooking out. I told my friend what a shitty, shitty week I’d had. Suddenly, the little dancing lights appeared.
“Oh shit, I’m having another migraine,” I muttered. “This is just not fair. Two in one day? That’s never happened before.”
The pulsating geometric crescent got bigger and bigger. I could hardly read the menu. Then the damned thing switched to the other eye. What the fuck? That never happened before, either.
It felt like my face was swelling up; everything started to hurt. “Shit, shit, shit,” I said. “Why is this happening?”
“Look, you’re under a lot of stress,” my friend said. “All this stuff with your father, you’re worried about money…”
“This is really freaking me out,” I said. “The migraine never switched eyes before. That’s weird.” I confessed my secret fear.
See, I don’t have fused vision like most people. I have a dominant eye, and the other one is mostly for peripheral vision. For years, they didn’t even line up. Then three years ago, I accidentally slammed the side of my head into the car door, and just like that, my eyes were suddenly in line. I was mostly delighted, but also a little wary. How come this happened? What if I had an aneurysm, a ticking time bomb in my head?
I eventually forgot about it - until last summer, when I started seeing double. It got to the point where I had to close one eye to read. As I told the doctor, though, I didn’t think I was really seeing double. It seemed more like my vision was trying to fuse, I said.
He told me whenever there was a vision change, that was important. Yadda, yadda, yadda. I never did get to the neurologist and right now, I need a break. I’m so sick of doctors.
My friend was sympathetic. “Look, your father’s sick. It’s perfectly normal that you’re paranoid about your health now. It goes with the turf. Let’s have some dessert.” So we did.
Yes, I know. My father has cancer and now every little thing is going to freak me out. But what if I miss something important because I’m convinced I’m only imagining things?
When I saw the cardiologist last week, he told me he didn’t think I’d have any problem getting my HDL levels up. “When you face your parents’ mortality, you go into denial mode about your own and you start taking better care of yourself,” he predicted.
Last week, one of my cousins was in the hospital with meningitis - from a sinus infection. (Did you know that’s how Michael Graves ended up paralyzed and in a wheelchair? A sinus infection that turned to meningitis. He was too busy to go to the doctor.)
Please, God, no migraines tomorrow. Please.
Are you referring to Michael Graves the architect, or someone else?
Yep, that Michael Graves.
Keep hanging out with your friends.
(Good medicine)
Hi–
I’m an infrequent visitor to the website & don’t really get how it’s set up yet, but this post just popped my cork. Here’s my 2c:
I spent the better part of 8 years shepherding my mom thru “frail elderly” status and finally a decline that led to her death. Not cancer, not all that quick, but full of terror and frustration and feelings of inadequacy and resignation and outrage and crises in my own life and…well, my point is, for the 2 last, most crisis-ridden years of her life I was in a support group for ‘caregivers/children of elderly parents’ and it pretty much saved my life: I had may problems to solve, including wills, a house to break up & sell; nursing homes & medical professionals to deal with; my ‘life on hold’ due to care providing (my mother lived in a distant city, which complicated things); and I was able to locate a caregivers’ group with others facing the exact same issues. It really helps having people in similar situations to go to & rely on (rather than friends who don’t really get it, & get tired of hearing about it or a spouse/significant other who gets leaned on too hard, too often), in a supportive environment hopefully facilitated (as mine was) by a CSW with intelligence and sensitivity and an awareness of available supportive community services.
So my recommendation is, run do not walk!! to the nearest teaching hospital with a geriatric care/outreach unit, or google CAREGIVER (there is a national clearing-house for same). Find a group, get in it now.
I’m coming in late on the story & don’t know the full history, so all this may be moot. It’s just my 2c for this moment, today.
Good luck & Godspeed
dougR