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You’re fired

Donald Trump is such a dumb fuck. He claims Obama’s grandparents put a fake birth announcement in the local paper so he could be a United States citizen.

Except that when he was born, he would have been a U.S. citizen no matter where he was born. Because he had at least one parent who was a U.S. citizen, who was raised here.

Not that facts actually matter, but don’t insult my intelligence, shithead. And yeah, your hair looks like a piece of roadkill.

Pottery Barn Libya

You break it, you bought it!

Seinfeld moment

Have you ever noticed that you can’t ever find the right replacement brushes for an electric toothbrush? Even when I’ve bought the only brand of toothbrush on the shelf, and the only replacement brushes are hanging next to them, and they’re the same brand, they still don’t fit. And they don’t have model numbers, where you can say, oh, I have an M2 toothbrush and here’s an M2 replacement brush. I’d say it’s a conspiracy to get you to buy a new toothbrush instead, but why would they go to all the trouble of making the replacement brushes?

Middle of the road

Oh yeah, where all the roadkill is!

Apparently our president gets a little bit of a thrill because “Americans of different beliefs came together again.”

Again. As I think most people will agree, Mr. President, simultaneous orgasm is a highly overrated goal. When one person comes, the other person gets to be the person who made it happen. But when both people come at the same time, the observer effect is greatly diminished and it’s not the same.

But maybe that’s not what you meant. Maybe you meant a “kumbaya” moment.

Mr. President, do you understand that our two-party system is supposed to be adversarial, and that to the victor goes the spoils? Do you understand that even if you’ve managed to make independents happy, you’re losing enough liberal Democrats that it should make you nervous?

Of course you do. You just don’t give a shit. You’re golden, the professional protege. You’ve had your path smoothed for so long, you’ve started to believe your own PR. Word of advice: Don’t. You’re just not that good. Not when unemployment is likely headed back to double digits and the price of food and gas is on a steep upward trajectory.

You may fool enough people to get reelected, but guess what? Then you lost your biggest excuse.

I can’t wait until Wednesday, when once again you’ll piss on our legs and tell us it’s raining.

Adventures in chemistry cont’d.

The Wellbutrin is making my brain just a little fuzzier in new places. For example, I keep referring to the drug as “Halliburton.” (Which makes me laugh.)

Slight increase in focus, more productivity. Still getting that little bit of headache, but caffeine seems to help. Let’s see how it goes.

Even in NYC

The bigots win.

ROFLMAO

Greg Sargent on the NYT report that Obama considered cutting Social Security to get Republican support for tax increases:

It’s hard to imagine that anyone could conclude that it would be a good idea to signal a willingness to entertain major changes to Social Securityat the outset, on the theory that it could induce Republicans to make concessions on tax cuts for the rich. So let’s presume this isn’t an indicator of what’s to come in the speech even in the most general sense.

Now that I’ve stopped laughing, I’ll say that I really, really hope Greg is right.

To the young brilliant minds

Dave Winer talks to his readers about aging and health insurance.

Tastykake

No longer a Philadelphia company.

Aftershock

7.1 in Japan.

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