My sources intercepted a final dispatch sent by Moammar Gaddafi to his friend and fellow war criminal Dick Cheney right before the rebels caught up with him:
Dear Dick,
It looks as if the sand fleas will feast on me after all, and I suppose this is a good thing, under the circumstances. My Amazons have deserted me. I’m down to my last pinch of pharmaceutical meth, and sub-Saharan crank does not cut it, any more than this third-rate kif from Timbuktu…