Unemployment stories are so passe

Oh, Jesus. Another of those gloom-and-doom stories about goof-offs who are still jobless, as if anyone in this great country of ours would be unemployed if he/she really wanted to work:

The Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) released the June 2012 unemployment data [last week]. The U.S. unemployment rate remained unchanged from May at 8.2 percent. The unemployment rate in June 2011 was 9.1 percent.

June unemployment numbers showed little difference from May in the latest BLS report. Unemployment rates in all demographics remained essentially unchanged except for blacks. The black unemployment rate rose to 14.4 percent, erasing several months of reduced unemployment.

I want news you can use. What’s up with Demi’s daughters despising her for dumping Ashton, who was more of a parent to them than her anorexic mom? When will Kim go the extra mile with Kanye and have a baby who will grow up to be the most famous no-talent personality ever? And did you notice that the newly liberated Katie Holmes was wearing black leather pants just like Kim and Kanye? What is the meaning of this?