Competing with Susie Craftsalot ….

~ Boohunney ~ 2 Comments

We all know one. The teacher, the mommy, the relative that have a flair for crafting with all the glitter, bows, gift bags, and sweet cards.

I am not one of those people. In fact, I think the glitter is the WMD of the crafting world; that stuff gets everywhere and is nearly impossible to clean up. And for every occasion, there is that Susie Craftsalot that makes the goodie bag perfect and other mommies just can’t keep up….

I got home after midnight from a business trip last night. That’s probably why I didn’t notice it until the morning. This bag. Alone. On the kitchen table.

Normally, getting my kids to the breakfast table is like trying to coax a couple of cats into a swimming pool. As soon as they wake up, they hide under blankets on the couch and make strange noises. But this morning was a different story.

Audrey came out of the bedroom, wiped the sleep from her eyes, and went right to the table. She sat in front of the bag with a smile on her face.

“What’s the bag for?” I asked as I created my super-duper breakfast parfaits. Colorful layers of yogurt, fruit, and cereal.

“We got it for our end-of-year party yesterday.” She reached into the bag.

“What did you get?”

She started pulling out different items and commenting.

“Goldfish crackers… Some cookies… ooooooh! Gummy worms! And a mustache!”

“Cool!”

The morning went on as usual, with me reminding the kids to brush their teeth, make their beds, and get a summer job. (Note: “I’m only seven” is not an excuse.) We finally made it out the door and walked to school as a family unit.

When Gabby and I got back home, I tidied up the breakfast mess before getting to work. When I reached down to pick up all of the things that Audrey had removed from her bag, I did a double-take.

moms all goodies

Every single item was accessorized. Little notes. Ribbons. Sayings. Like a professional stylist had just prepped them for the red carpet at some weird awards ceremony for pre-packaged snacks.

Follow me on this one. I truly appreciate that people have taken so much time to make sure my child felt important yesterday. Craftiness is a gift. One I do not possess. I am awestruck by the flawless execution of cuteness on these snacks. And I realize the inherent hypocrisy of my statement, since I am guilty of adding a bit of “flair” to the breakfast parfaits from time-to-time.

But for some of you, it’s exhausting, right?…

Enjoy the rest here.

Former House Speaker Dennis Hastert indicted …

~ Boohunney ~ 1 Comment

Chicago Tribune….

Former U.S. House Speaker Dennis Hastert has been indicted on federal charges alleging he agreed to pay $3.5 million in apparent hush money to a longtime acquaintance blackmailing him, then lied to the FBI when asked about suspicious cash withdrawals from several banks, federal prosecutors said.

The stunning indictment of the longtime Republican powerhouse alleged he gave about $1.7 million in cash to the acquaintance, identified only as Individual A in the charges, to “compensate for and conceal (Hastert’s) prior misconduct” against Individual A that had occurred years earlier.

Hastert, a former high school teacher, served eight years as House speaker and has been working as a lobbyist in Washington since stepping down from office in 2008.

Hastert, 73, of Plano, was charged with one count each of structuring currency transactions to evade Currency Transaction Reports and making a false statement to the FBI, according to the U.S. Attorney’s Office. He will be arraigned later at U.S. District Court in downtown Chicago.

According to the seven-page indictment, Hastert withdrew a total of $1.7 million in cash from various bank accounts between 2010 and 2014 to give to Individual A. In December, Hastert began structuring the cash withdrawals in increments less than $10,000 to evade bank reporting requirements, the indictment said.

When questioned by the FBI about the withdrawals, Hastert lied and said the cash was for his own use, according to the charges.

“Yeah, I kept the cash. That’s what I’m doing,” the indictment quoted Hastert as telling agents.
Continue reading “Former House Speaker Dennis Hastert indicted …” →

Ideas Rick Santorum Actually Believes …

~ Boohunney ~ 1 Comment

I was under the impression that Rick Santorum was universally disliked, even by people in his own party. By all means go for it Ricky; but, damn.

I saw a funny meme that with Rick Santorum in the race, the debates could take a “Hollywood Squares” format.

Here’s a list of ideas that Rick Santorum actually believes…

Putting women in combat is a bad idea because of “emotions that are involved.” Women’s “emotions” may render them unworthy soldiers and thus not fit for the battlefield, according to the former Pennsylvania senator. “People naturally may do things that may not be in the interests of the mission because of other types of emotions that are involved,” Santorum said after the Pentagon eased restrictions on women in combat in 2012. He has also made dire warnings about what would happen to the military after Don’t Ask Don’t Tell was repealed and gays were allowed to openly serve.

American culture is being corrupted by “the NBA” and “rock concerts.” According to Santorum, our culture and manners and decency have been collectively ruined by the NBA, among other culprits. These remarks came during a 2008 speech at Ave Maria University: “The corruption of culture, the corruption of manners, the corruption of decency is now on display whether it’s the NBA or whether it’s a rock concert or whether it’s on a movie set.” Of course, just like his anti-welfare rant against “blah” people, there’s certainly no racial undertone to decrying the NBA as chipping away at American culture and decent manners…

If you don’t have an ID, you’re trying to rig the election. More than one in ten Americans don’t have a government-issued photo identification, like a driver’s license or a passport. And, according to a study by the Brennan Center for Justice, minorities and low-income citizens are more likely than others not to have a government-issued photo ID. But to Santorum, each one of these millions of individuals aren’t disenfranchised voters; they’re out to commit fraud. “The only reason you don’t have a voter ID is you want to continue to perpetrate fraud,” he told ThinkProgress during his 2012 presidential bid.

There’s more here.

Violet

~ susie

And the sky was made of amethyst
And all the stars are just like little fish
You should learn when to go
You should learn how to say no

In another life, where I didn’t get married and blow off my music dreams, I might have ended up in a band like this. Hole:

Polyester bride

~ susie

And then he said, “Do you want to be a polyester bride
Or do you want to hang your head and die
Do you want to find alligator cowboy booths they just put on sale
Do you want to flap your wings and fly away from here?

Liz Phair: