Today, as of 7:28 a.m., my official birthday began. (My astrological birthday was yesterday, but whatever.)
This time last year, I was moving into this tiny little shoebox, deeply depressed and one step ahead of an eviction notice. I remember pushing through this state of chronic exhaustion and knowing I’d never be happy again.
Well, I am. Happy, I mean. Life isn’t perfect, but pretty good. And while my new job is hectic as hell, it’s also a lot of fun.
This year might be even better. You never know.
Little-known Suburban Guerrilla birthday trivia: I was (or so my mother once told me) conceived on New Year’s Eve after my parents polished off a bottle of cheap champagne. I believe this accounts for my bubbly personality – and my aversion to cheap champagne.
Happy Birthday, Libra! Multi-talented, versatile, and blessed with a chameleon-like ability to fit into almost any environment or circumstance, you’re a Libra with Gemini undertones. Many of you look younger than your years without a single cosmetic surgery touch-up. Your quirky humor, quick laugh, and gift for imitating others make you the guest of honor at social events. Wherever you go, fun generally tags along. No matter how experienced and astute you may be, you never appear uppity. Your lovable humble quality puts others at ease, and your unique interpretation of music, personality, and art give you depth of understanding. Never one to follow the same old theories or rules that most people do, you invent your own lifestyle and may embrace beliefs very different from those of your family and culture. Without making a fuss or calling attention to your views, you manage to be part of the crowd when necessary, and an iconoclastic maverick the rest of the time. You never seek to demand attention to your uniqueness or prove others wrong. You learned long ago that it’s much easier to grow and expand by not alarming or offending others. No matter how different your thoughts and goals are, your friends, acquaintances, and coworkers all claim you as their own.Your ability to win others’ hearts and minds makes you a skillful negotiator, politician, and leader. Many of you will develop a strong attachment to a particular cause and selflessly raise awareness in the general public. No matter what talent you’re known for, you have numerous other talents hidden up your sleeve, and understand human nature – and the human condition – far better than most. Packed with dedication and ambition to achieve lofty goals, you take risks and put in long hours, sometimes in very uncomfortable circumstances. You’re a complicated soul, willing to struggle and persist in time-honored ways, but often for a goal that others believe is beyond your reach. You encounter legions of naysayers, doing their utmost to discourage you. They tell you to ‘stop dreaming’ – but since you’re a visionary, how can you? As you get older, you learn to carefully select confidantes and parse your words. You expect more of yourself than others do. You think in different terms – more exquisite and abstract – than most of your peers. Your definition of success may be vastly different from theirs. As a result, you may leave your childhood circumstances and find new friends and an environment better suited for your expansive plans. No one can keep you down on the farm for long.
Bright, committed, and humanitarian, you’re a tough act to follow and very difficult to second guess. You often use the element of surprise to your advantage. Although you understand the value of appearance and are absolutely capable of presenting an exemplary image, your mind is always focused on the bigger issue and deeper truth. Many of you consider writing or teaching. Others are trailblazers in your chosen profession, breaking away from established patterns, and often elevating others’ consciousness. Your body requires regular hydration, lots of fresh yellow and green veggies, and little or no alcohol. Beauty, style and ambiance are primary driving forces in your life. An artist or designer at heart, you may choose a creative career or spend the bulk of your leisure time exploring your sensual, mystical side.
You are fascinated by structure – how words are strung together, how a building is constructed, the composition of a painting or piece of music, and even the complex alchemy of fragrance. You understand that layers of pure intent or substance can be subtle or striking. At times, your mood craves sublime ambiance; but other times you hunger for something earthy and unmistakable. If you have not yet explored your immense creative talent, do so now. You are a honeycomb of artistic reservoirs and can find balance and deep, lingering satisfaction through aesthetic expression. Your eyes are frequently commented on, probably because they’re devastatingly soulful. No matter how industrious and commanding you are in public, your eyes reveal a vulnerable, doe-like vulnerability.
You have a powerful sense of right and wrong and strong political or religious beliefs. In your supreme effort to right wrongs and bring balance to clearly biased situations, you may overshoot your goal. Often misjudged and misunderstood, you retain a unique, memorable mystique throughout most of your life. People are taken with you, even if they don’t fully comprehend what you do or how you feel. You’re a magnet for those who come in contact your memorable energy and passion. You feel a responsibility to defend the underdog. If you become successful (and many of you do), you can be very generous to beloved charities and causes. You recognize the importance of recycling the blessings the world has offered you.
September 15th, 2005 at 11:39 pmSo Bush’s speeches do serve a useful purpose after all.
But they are so infrequent. I hope you have other sources of stimulation.
Actually, on second thought, I’m having a hard time imagining this — isn’t Dubya’s droning just about the worst thing a woman would want to jill off to?
September 16th, 2005 at 8:13 amSprain your arm? Wow… That’s some woman!
September 16th, 2005 at 11:34 amI had an old girlfriend who was not a morning person. to say the least. But waking up with her always made me amorous so… Eventually, one night during dinner, she said having sex first thing in the morning was better than a cup of coffee because her day started in a more relaxed and upbeat way. Created a monster.
How’d that jingle go? “The best part of waking up…”
September 16th, 2005 at 2:57 pmI gotta say I’m as baffled as Izquierdo on this one. I can’t imagine anything worse than that voice. And if I did succeed in getting myself off in spite of it, I’d fear some kind of Pavlovian effect whereby I’d get turned on every time I heard him speak. Or — worse — hear his voice in my head whenever I had an orgasm. That’s just too much to bear.
On the other hand, I guess I can see where it would actually help to have all that good hormonal chemistry circulating to sort of buffer oneself from the evil of it.
In any case, thanks for reminding me of that old song — The last verse is my favorite:
“There’s unsavory musicians
With their filthy pinko lyrics
Who destroy the social fabric
And enjoy it when they do
With their groupies and addictions
And poor broken-hearted parents
It’s from them I would expect to hear
The F-word, not from you”