Animal House
May 15th, 2008 at 8:42 pm by Susie
We are having a discussion via speakerphone: me, my friend and her boyfriend. Her boyfriend mentions something particularly outrageous and says, “Where do they get these ideas?”
“The internet,” I say. “No matter how wrong you are about something, or even sick or twisted, you can find a community online that will agree with you and make you feel normal.” I started explaining furries, which they’d never heard of. “They wear animal costumes, and roll on each other until they have orgasms. It’s called yiffing, they even did an episode about it on Law and Order.” (Doesn’t anyone but me pay attention to this stuff?)
“I don’t watch Law and Order,” she says.
This reminds me of the Diaper Guy, a TV executive I met in a Florida dance club a few years ago, and then that reminds me of … something else. “There was this woman in a Dan Savage column who said she preferred her dog to human beings, and he was really nasty to her and referred her to this website,” I say. “I clicked on it, and it was for people who had sex with their dogs.
“At first, I thought it was a put-on, but it wasn’t. All these people, writing these sappy, sentimental essays about the first time they ‘made love’ to their dogs, it was really fucking strange. Oh, and there were links to, you know, hygiene tips. It freaked me out so much that for months, every time I met a guy, I was wondering, ‘Does this guy do his dog?’ I mean, what incredible imaginations, to convince yourself you’re having a love affair with a dog.” (Although really, when you think about it, look how many times women have convinced themselves they’re having a love affair with someone who turns out to be a dog. Badda bing!)
We then start making all kinds of tasteless jokes, including ones about “Canine Lovers for Obama” and of course we segue into “Bovine Lovers for Clinton,” since naturally her supporters are accused of being racist hicks.
“I had an animal experience, except it was with, um, a feline,” my friend says.
“Eww. Sandpaper tongue,” I say, thinking she’s kidding. She’s not.
“Actually, I guess I should wait until he comes back in the room,” she says. (Her boyfriend is in the bathroom.) “Hey babe, c’mere. I have to tell you about the time I did it with this cat,” she yells to the next room.
“WHATTTT???” I hear from her shocked boyfriend.
It turns out that when she was still in her teens, she and her then-boyfriend were really into eating root beer Popsicles and one day, they started dripping them on each other while they were naked…
“So the cat jumped in, is what you’re saying.”
“Yeah, it was actually more of a threesome.”
And for some reason, this really cracks me up. I’m laughing so hard, I start coughing and then it turns into an asthma attack.
“I didn’t know you had asthma,” she says in a reasonable tone, and I laugh even harder.
“I didn’t know you had sex with cats!” I say, still laughing.
Oy.
IIRC, it was an episode of CSI. It was hilarious but people who are real Furries didn’t find it so funny. In one scene a furry asks Catherine Willows what the password is and she answers “E-I-E-I-O”
I’d never heard of Furries until a couple days ago, when one of my friends at work mentioned it … he didn’t mention the “yiffing” part of it though, just that people at some fantasy conventions do the dress up thing and compare costumes etc. Hey, whatever floats yer boat right? No harm, no foul!
I had a roommate in college who was a furry. They’re nothing like the depiction in CSI, not even the ones who are into the freaky sex part (there is a spectrum in the fandom, you see). Some of them just think anthropomorphic animals are cool, and draw pictures and generally geek out about it them.
my boyfriend is a furrie
has an entire dog costume and is totally into it.
Sounds like animal abuse to me.
Perhaps (and this is just a guess) men who “make love” to their dogs are pathetically undersized.
real men buy a shetland pony.