Interesting interview. No, I don’t think monogamy is necessarily “natural”. But if I could go all New-Agey on you for a moment, I think an in-depth, monogamous relationship with one person is a better vehicle for the development of the emotional, psychological and spiritual self than anything else out there. Not the only way, certainly – but it seems ideally constructed for the task.

Of course, some people just aren’t interested in growth. So there’s that!

3 thoughts on “Monogamy

  1. Monogamy is ideally suited to provide stability and continuity for progeny(It’s a social safety net for those of us without the funds to pay out the wazoo for nannies). That being said, its incredibly hard and there comes a point in the relationship where you sacrifice the rollercoaster ride adrenaline rush feeling of being with someone who is a puzzle to you and replace it with the feeling that who you are with is your best friend and you know them so well that you understand their nonverbal tics and could complete their sentences for them (There is only so much to talk about after decades of talking.)

    I will agree that quality should trump quantity though. People are dynamic and it’s impossible to “know” them when you just view them through one aspect of their demeanor(sexuality). I’d even argue that ignoring the other aspects of people has led to many problems for both genders(women who end up with deadbeat daddies because the guy they chose was emotionally immature or men who end up with rape charges because they chose someone who was mentally unprepared to accept the limitations and social stigma that a one night stand offers the female gender.)

  2. Monogamy is a great idea and very practical provided both parties are temperamentally suited to the reality of no sex, no serious relationship with anyone else, till death do them part. Unfortunately, that is the expectation for almost ALL marriages in our culture, which is grounded in a mishmash of puritanism and cheap romanticism. The melodramatic words we use to describe sex outside marriage — “unfaithfulness,” “infidelity,” and so on — are clues to why so many marriages fail. Love and “fidelity” are not the same thing, but try telling that to the average American.

  3. It’s probably more to do with the lying than the sex. In infidelity, the fury is driven by the idea of being made a fool of.

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