Tomorrow I have my very first colonoscopy.

For those of you who have already crossed this Rubicon, it’s no big deal. And really, I don’t care about the actual procedure, since I’ll be high as a kite.

I just hate the thought of drinking a gallon of some nauseating crap and running to the bathroom all night. It’s just not my idea of a good time.

So if you have any helpful hints or uplifting tales of your own, do share.

7 thoughts on “Milestone

  1. Every once of food that you have ever eaten in your 57 years of life will leave your body today. In liquid form. Advice: Don’t wait until later. Drink this colen cleaner fluid sometime after 1PM. Then you’ll wait and wait (maybe and hour or so) for something to happen. All of a sudden it will. Boy will it. Once you think that its all over, that there can’t possibly be anything left (about 3 or 4 hours) here it comes again. For a little while. Then it will all end as suddenly as it began. You will not be hungry. But you will feel a way that you have never felt before and hope never to feel again. The good news is that nobody has ever died from this uber-laxative concoction nor from their mutiple visits to the bathroom. Good luck on your magical mystery tour.

  2. That is the worst of it. You’ll stop going after a few hours and might be able to get some sleep. Make sure the awful stuff is very cold which dulls the taste.

  3. Nothing to it, Suze. Just be grateful that some moron like Santorum hasn’t come out saying insurances shouldn’t encourage this type of preventive procedure because, oh, I don’t know, it might encourage gay anal sex, or something………………………:)

  4. I mark a line on the jug after “drinking” each 8 oz dose, kind of like a kill mark. It makes it a game, sort of. The first time I had to go through this, when the jug got down to what I estimated to be the last three doses, I just stared at the remainder. Stared at it. I just could not do any more. And thought, shit, I’m 5’2″. Someone 6’6″ has to drink the same amount…Hmmmmm. I dumped the rest of that vile liquid down the drain. Fuck that shit!

    When I got to the doctor’s office, the nurse asked if I managed to down the whole gallon, I told her what I wrote above. She chortled a bit, and said that actually, height has nothing to do with the amount. Everyone needs the same, because the guts are about the same. She did say, sub rosa, that they factor in an extra amount in case people just cannot finish off the whole schmeer. But I have not verified any of that, except I was complimented on what a clean colon I had!

  5. I don’t like the feeling of being high/drugged, so had the procedure done without any drugs. Unpleasant, but only briefly somewhat painful when the instrument has to negotiate a turn. This way, when it’s over you don’t need any further time to recover.

    If you are asked to drink the “cleaner” on the morning of the appointment as well as the evening before, make sure you drink it *early* in the morning–you need some time for it to “work”, and you don’t want that to be happening while you are on your way to the doctor’s office.

  6. I’ve done this twice so far. Probably a little late for this, but you are allowed to eat clear liquids inbetween the glasses of the prep liquid — I ate green jello and popiscles (was told to stay away from red food dye). What makes you feel bad the next day is combination of getting over the anesthia and being dehydrated, so whatever liquids you ingest the day before does help.

    When what you are expelling is clear, you can stop drinking the prep, even if there is some left. You want to be sure you clean yourself out all the way so the doctor can see every square inch. Also, in the extremely unlikely event you are punctured during the procedure, you don’t want anywhere poop near the puncture.

    After the prep is done, it’s smooth sailing. Have whoever picks you up when it’s over take you someplace nice for brunch.

    Good Luck and good on you for taking care of yourself.

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