What did you do in work today, Daddy?

From The Oracle, a commenter over at Digby’s place:

What did you do today at work, Daddy?

I fixed the plumbing at an elderly person’s house. I drove a tractor trailer rig halfway across the country. I unloaded three cargo ships at the docks. I taught a high school science class. I ran down a bank robber on foot. I saved a child trapped in an apartment fire. I helped hunters get their hunting permits and game tags. I inspected food to make certain it was safe for consumers to eat. I helped fill-in some potholes in the roads. I picked up the garbage at the curb. I delivered the mail. I hooked-up electricity again to over a thousand homes after that storm last night. I used the jaws-of-life to pull a woman out of a wrecked car, revived her with CPR at the scene and rushed her to the hospital, where she’s doing fine now, being taken care of by the union nurses and doctors there. I flew a 747 jumbo airliner with hundreds of passengers aboard, kept in prime flying condition by airline union mechanics and helped in-flight by professional union flight attendants. And then on the way home, I stopped by church to thank God for having blessed me, and those like me, with so many opportunities to help so many of my fellow citizens get safely through another day, building a better future for their families and children.

What did you do today at work, Daddy?

I rigged the derivatives market to the tune of billions in profits. I outsourced 10,000 jobs overseas. I played a round of golf at my exclusive, private country club. I busted the labor unions at a company I bought with borrowed money, and got taxpayers to cover union pension losses after I raided the union pension fund. I bought a third vacation home. I bought a few more politicians at the state capitol. I bought a few more politicians in Washington D.C.. I hired more lawyers and accountants to rig the tax code in my favor. I off-shored more money to tax havens overseas. I paid people to debunk all the mounting scientific evidence of catastrophic climate change. I launched a lie-driven smear campaign against that politician who keeps getting in the way of my ego’s ambitions. I started a news network, one driven by lies, one pushing purely partisan political and social propaganda. I rigged oil futures trading to the tune of billions in profits, gaming supply and demand on the world oil market, and ha ha ha, drivers filling up their gas tanks will never know how much per gallon they’re paying to me and those like me, ha ha ha. I got some of my bought politicians to cut my taxes even more, shred the social safety net and shrink the size of that nasty, interfering, regulatory government even more. And then on the way home, I stopped by church to thank God for God having blessed me, and those like me, above all others, gracing me, and those like me, above all others, with such good fortune and superior business acumen. Ha. Ha. Ha.