I was surprised to find that so few men are in the profession. (Two of the best therapists I had were men.)
When I’ve had female therapists, they were a little too “there, there!” for me. Always wanting to soothe and support (I have girlfriends for that) when frankly, I needed someone to kick my ass, challenge me, get me into gear. (This one therapist was much more interested in having me maintain my then-relationship than I was. I realized later that she enjoyed hearing my stories — because I’m such a good storyteller! She wanted to hear more every week, she thought we were a “wonderful” couple. We weren’t. I was there to untangle and disengage, and she insisted I try to adjust instead.)
Anyway, since my communication style is more male than female, I seem to do better with men. I mean, we do get into emotional stuff — but it’s not the main focus. Until I read this article, I didn’t realize that I’d beaten the odds by having a male therapist.
You need a Southern therapist and more Southern girlfriends. Not too much “there, there” down here. My best friends “kick my ass, challenge me, get me into gear” after a brief empathy period. And they ones that are teabaggin’ numbskulls, I keep those I keep at arm’s length.
But, sometimes, in my experience with using therapy several time in my life (and I think we are close in age), it takes different amounts of time to get to “the hard work” with a therapist. I had one that like to hear my stories, too, then at one session she said. “OK, let’s cut the bullshit and get to work!” 🙂 She knew I was ready then to “go there.”
Patience, Grasshopper!
I wouldn’t make too many generalization based on a couple of therapists. I’ve had a couple of wonderful women therapists, neither of whom were all touchy-feely.
I’ve had about eight. All the women were like that.
Jeez — I love your blog and read it faithfully, but you managed to insult me as a woman and as a therapist/psychologist. I’m curious as to the ages of your therapist — older/younger than you. I think age and perhaps style may make a difference. Cognitive behavioral therapists tend to be less “there there” than other viewpoints. Anyway — I enjoy reading your blog. And sorry 8 out of 8 female therapists didn’t get you to where you needed to go. Glad you at least found a therapist to get you there.
I’m sorry if I insulted you. That was my personal experience. BTW, almost all of them were cognitive therapists. That’s why I was baffled.
Remember, therapy isn’t “all about you.” It’s about you and the people in your world. It’s a 2 way street.