Darryl Rhoades appearing on the short lived nationally syndicated show from the Turner “Superstation”, “Tush” performing “I’m In With The Zen Crowd” circa 1980 with Jan Hooks
Category: Friday Fun
A toddler squeezed through the White House gate and caused a security alert.
Throngs of Secret Service agents are always on watch for suspicious packages near the White House gates, and anyone who might be looking to infiltrate the grounds. But Thursday night, they had a slightly smaller-scale security breach to contend with: a toddler who squeezed through the fence in the front of the residence.
The brief kerfuffle as agents scrambled to intercept the pint-sized intruder confirms what most people know: toddlers are sneaky, and fast. This one was promptly returned to his parents.
The little guy didn’t get in any trouble — at least, not with the feds.
And he was unavailable for comment — to anyone — for at least a few more months.
“We were going to wait until he learned to talk to question him,” Secret Service Agent Edwin Donovan said in a statement, “but in lieu of that he got a timeout and was sent on way with parents.”
Biden Gets Grow Light Delivered To White House Under Fake Name..
WASHINGTON—Instructing workers to be on the lookout for a pretty huge package labeled “Fragile,” Vice President Joe Biden visited the White House mailroom Friday to check for the arrival of a grow light he’d had delivered under a fake name, multiple sources reported. “You guys know if any boxes arrived for a Robert Marley?” Biden reportedly asked in a low tone of voice, noting that the parcel would be shipped from a company called Photonics, Inc. in Vancouver, and that maybe his buddy Chip who works nights had already set it aside. “Long story, but I had a little mishap with my rig a few weeks ago and some of the guys on the Plantazoid forums said this thing is the shit.” At press time, the vice president was seen furtively slipping into the Lincoln Bedroom closet with a load of tinfoil he had taken from the White House kitchen.
Downed Facebook Frightened Millennials Into Thinking They May Need To Learn Social Skills
WORLD WIDE WEB — For a brief moment today, the world was without Facebook. It was terrifying for most, but for Millennials, it was a giant wake-up call.
For the generation who group up talking to each other through the internet, they were faced with the broad realization that they may actually have to face their peers face to face. Even the remote concept of this was enough for many to crawl under their beds and hide until their security blanket of social networking reappeared within an hour.
Millennials almost had to learn Social Skills — the skill of “facilitating interaction and communication with others.”
This group of young adults, raised in a world of technology, where they can hide behind the guise of a keyboard and screen, almost had to be, well… human… at least for a moment.
Some Millennials even peeked outside the window and noticed a bird sipping from a flower for maybe the first time in their adult life… for these things only happened in videos streaming in the palm of their hands.
Not to worry though, Facebook came back to life as Millennials breathed an audible sigh of relief. They quickly posted their ordeals of a Facebookless world on Facebook the moment it returned.
Crisis averted.
Hillary Clinton: ‘I’m Running’
Hillary Clinton responded to a reporter’s question about the 2016 presidential elections today by saying that she is running.
The surprise announcement came today at a public park about half a mile from the Clintons’ residence in Chappaqua, New York.
The Daily Currant‘s New York correspondent had been tailing behind Ms. Clinton on her morning jog around the neighborhood when he finally summoned the courage to ask the question on every American’s mind.
“Secretary Clinton! Secretary Clinton!” our reporter shouted. “Do you have time for a few quick questions about 2016?”
“Not now, I’m running,” Clinton responded.
“Okay, well, have a good day ma’am.”
Clinton later explained through an aide that the phrasing of her remark was just her way of making light of the intense speculation surrounding her presidential plans.
Coca-Cola Recalls 2 Million Bottles With The Name ‘Michael’
ATLANTA, Georgia –
Coca-Cola spokesperson Gabriella Sanchez announced in an impromptu press conference this morning that the iconic cola company is urgently recalling all twenty-ounce size bottles of the drink with the name ‘Michael’ on them due to “compromising of ingredients”. She went on to say that several customers had returned their drinks to stores and/or called the Coca-Cola customer service hotline after noticing their personalized bottles, with the name ‘Michael’ on them, had an odd taste.
“Several calls began to come in on Friday afternoon with customers complaining that their bottles of cola had an odd taste, all of which were part of our ‘Share a Coke With…’ campaign, and had the name Michael on them.” Sanchez announced to the unassuming press. “Naturally, we immediately launched an investigation on the issue and after thorough lab testing we discovered that the ingredients of a particular series of batches were compromised. Our investigation and research found a disgruntled employee, who is not being named due to criminal investigation, had been adding literal top soil – dirt – into her batches. If consumed, these bottles of cola are not necessarily considered dangerous so there is not cause for panic, but of course we do not want our very loyal and longtime Coke lovers ingesting this foul-tasting soda.”
Sources close to the situation, which requested to remain anonymous, leaked the story to a reporter about the case as early as Sunday morning, saying that a female employee, who was claiming sexual harassment by her supervisor, who just happened to be named ‘Michael,’ had ‘spiked large batches of the drink with top soil she had been bringing to work,’ via her purse. She did so after discovering that all batches she was put in charge of would be added to two-million 20-ounce bottles which would be labeled “Share a Coke with…Michael.”
Should Math Be Taught In Schools?
Eloise: An Update…
I really loved the Eloise books when I was a kid. I still proudly own my copy of Eloise in Moscow.
Here is an excerpt from an update on Eloise in The New Yorker…
I am Eloise
I am forty-sixI am a city girl
I live at the Crowne PlazaThere is a lobby with purple lights and silver-and-gold confetti things hanging from the ceiling
You can find videos of the elevators on YouTube…Sometimes I talk to Mark-on-the-sidewalk, who sells fraudulent merchandise to tourists
I ask, “How’s business, Mark?”
and he says, “Hey, you want some comedy-club tickets? I can get you into Caroline’s, cheap,”
and I say, “Not today, thank you very much”
Ooh, I love love love Times Square!
Some fun reading for Friday…
Hosting a BBQ….
Being from the South, we have a big tradition of having barbeque parties in the hot sweltering weather. Here are some wonderful tips to hosting a barbeque party including….
One safety tip to keep in mind while barbecuing is that you should never, ever light your house on fire.
The endangered Cebu cinnamon tree of the Philippines is the best firewood for grilling. Use anything less, and you might as well be cooking your food on top of smoldering raccoon shit.
When barbecuing veggie burgers, be sure to tie your long hair back. That will keep it away from the flames, you stupid hippie.
And I thought baking soda cured all of life’s problems…
Of all the nefarious government plots in place, polluting our skies with chem trails to expose us to unknown compounds has got to be one of the worst. God only knows kind of science experiment is going on that will only cause bad outcomes for our health and well being. Here is a solution for this massive plot…