Category: Humor
Semantic distinction
Professor Michael Oppenheimer of Princeton University says some people don’t want to hear about global warming because “it gets in the way of their economic interests.”
Chris Matthews of MSNBC says, “Well Professor Oppenheimer, back in the ‘60s, we called such people pigs.”
I say Matthews is impolite, but not incorrect.
What would you say if Barry came knocking?
President Obama was at the Jersey shore today to signal support for those who got slammed by Frankenstorm. If I lived there and Barry came to my door, I’d ask for help but I’d expect him to say “We’re gonna see a lot more freak storms like this, thanks to global warming. Why the hell do you live on a barrier island?”
No, seriously, I’d thank him for staying on the job even though the election is next week, and for not staging political rallies disguised as charity events. (I’m thinking of cheesy Mitt Romney, collecting canned goods in Ohio, refusing to admit that he’s the guy who vowed to get rid of FEMA.) I’d remind Obama that he’s in a tight race because he seemed in his first term to be more concerned with bailing out Wall Street crooks than with helping create jobs. I’d assure him that he has my vote, but only because his opponent is a disgusting and dangerous liar.
What would you say to Barry?
Fake story about Romney rings true
Andy Borowitz in the New Yorker, joking about what “pro-life” really means to Mittens:
Hitting the campaign trail one day after the arrival of Superstorm Sandy, Republican nominee Mitt Romney tweaked his position on abortion today, saying he now supports it in cases where it makes people vote for him.
“I would make an exception for abortion in cases where the life of my campaign is at stake,” he told a crowd in Kettering, Ohio.
Sandy, which slammed into the East Coast last night, was such a powerful weather system that it prevented Mr. Romney from changing his position on abortion for twenty-four hours.
“It was important for Mitt to come up with a new position on abortion today,” said his campaign manager, Matt Rhoades. “It sends a message to the American people that in the aftermath of Sandy, things are getting back to normal.”
Mr. Romney made no reference to his comments about eliminating FEMA, which have been declared a disaster area.
‘Look over there, it’s the rape stork!’
If only we could actually get people (ahem, members of the media?) to snap out like this when right-wing fundie extremists start spouting crap we know isn’t true! But alas, this is only a parody:
During a live interview this morning with theSmithsonian Channel, the mild mannered science educator unloaded on U.S. Congressman Todd Akin, calling him “a f*cking idiot” for accusing Nye of personally provoking Hurricane Issac.
Last week Nye uploaded a video to Youtube urging parents not to teach their children creationism.
At a town hall campaign event yesterday, Akin used the video as an example of immoral behavior driving god to punish America through extreme weather.
Sure, that’s a lot easier than explaining how politicians sold out our future to oil lobbyists!
Although reporters reached out to Nye for a statement yesterday, his first discussion of the matter came this morning at Smithsonian’s Washington D.C. headquarters. The 56 year old star of the long-running “Bill Nye The Science Guy” was in the studio to promote his new documentary series focusing on the neuroscience of childhood development.
After briefly discussing his show, the Smithsonian anchors asked Nye about Akin’s recent accusation. The normally genial Nye wasted no time venting his rage about the comments:
“Look, these people, they’re f*cking retarded. Rape can’t cause pregnancy? Breast milk cures homosexuality? I caused a hurricane by challenging creationism? Who can possibly take these people seriously anymore?”
The slightly uncomfortable anchors then tried to change the subject, but Nye persisted:
“It used to be these Republicans didn’t believe in global warming or evolution. That was bad enough. Now they don’t even believe in egg + sperm = baby. Where does Todd Akin think babies come from? Does he think there are separate storks for people who were raped and people who weren’t? Hey look over there! It’s the rape stork. It drops its babies directly at the orphanage.”
“He’s a f*cking idiot. Just a plain f*cking idiot. I’m sorry – I don’t say that word very often – but it happens to fit in this case. He’s just a f*cking idiot.”
Then he challenged Akin to a debate. Go read the rest.
LOL
Okay, this is funny.
Operation Caymans
A couple of Yes Men agents visit an island paradise to find out exactly where Mitt and other corporate pirates buried their treasure to avoid taxes:
Support the Stop Tax Haven Abuse Act.
‘Israel Israel Israel’
Stephen Colbert on the last debate:
Who’s scarier, Freddie Krueger or Philip Roth?
Reassessing an odd work of fiction, because I needed a break from so-called facts:
Novels and movies about ghosts and ghoulies are supposed to be scary, but they rarely are. If you want to enjoy a Halloween story that will chill you to the bone, read the National Book Award-winning Sabbath’s Theater (1995), by Philip Roth, master of morbid hyper-realism.
Just kidding. Sabbath’s Theater has nothing to do with Halloween, but read it anyway. Even if you don’t enjoy the novel, you’ll have to admire the author’s knack for brutally funny self-analysis and dark insights.
Or maybe not. More here.
Politicians sell themselves for much less
From Huffington Post:
By losing something, Catarina Migliorini could gain $780,000.
The 20-year-old Brazilian woman has been auctioning off her virginity online for the past few weeks and a man from Japan known as “Natsu” came out on top with the winning bid.
Natsu beat out five other bidders after a feverish final day where the price of Migliorini’s virtue jumped from $190,000 on Oct. 23 to the final $780,000 price tag.
The news wasn’t so good for her male counterpart, Alex Stepanov, whose virginity only racked up $3,000 from a woman in Brazil named “Nene B.”