You will remember I mentioned last week that I chopped half my hair off. (Which half? The bottom.)

This weekend, I dyed it a startling shade of lemon meringue hair. (I was bored, and trying to amuse myself.) The thing is, I mixed the dye wrong. There were TWO packets of powdered bleach in the kit, and I didn’t notice the second packet until I’d already mixed it up with the wet stuff. I poured in the second packet and tried to combine it, but it was too late.

This meant the bleach worked in some areas and not in others. You know the dip dye style, where people dip the ends of their hair into blue or green dye? I’m the opposite. The hair at the top is lemon meringue, and the ends are all dark.

It is, as I say, startling. And it does not look as fetching as it did when I did it the last time, which was, what, 20 years ago? Also, I forgot that when you do this to your hair, it doesn’t feel like hair anymore. It feels like straw.

As other hair-adventurous women will tell you, the most expensive salon treatment you can get is what they call “remedial” color, which calls for an appointment with The Color Specialist, made at least a week in advance. We’re talking at least a couple of hundred bucks here, and I’m just not embarrassed enough to pay that off at 28.9%. Probably I will chop it all off myself and hope for the best.

Or maybe I’ll shave my head, pretend I’m on chemo, and start a GoFundMe. It could work.