Thank heavens for baseball……

by Boohunney
Spring has come early down here in Spruill County.
But, “base games” are in full swing for the young. The recreation park behind the house in the other valley is rockin’. The public address system at the park doubles as our tornado siren. I just think that is cool.
Chipper Jones is going to retire after this season. That’s time moving on. Some of us down here have cards of Chipper from when he played on the farm team in Macon.

No matter, baseball is cool. I love going to “Six Flags Over Baseball,” AKA Turner Field in Atlanta. One can actually get in for a dollar. It’s for the people.

I think “Annie Savoy” sums it up well…..

I believe in the Church of Baseball. I’ve tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones. I’ve worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I heard that, I gave Jesus a chance. But it just didn’t work out between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphysics to theology. You see, there’s no guilt in baseball, and it’s never boring… which makes it like sex. There’s never been a ballplayer slept with me who didn’t have the best year of his career. Making love is like hitting a baseball: you just gotta relax and concentrate. Besides, I’d never sleep with a player hitting under .250… not unless he had a lot of RBIs and was a great glove man up the middle. You see, there’s a certain amount of life wisdom I give these boys. I can expand their minds. Sometimes when I’ve got a ballplayer alone, I’ll just read Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman to him, and the guys are so sweet, they always stay and listen. ‘Course, a guy’ll listen to anything if he thinks it’s foreplay. I make them feel confident, and they make me feel safe, and pretty. ‘Course, what I give them lasts a lifetime; what they give me lasts 142 games. Sometimes it seems like a bad trade. But bad trades are part of baseball – now who can forget Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas, for God’s sake? It’s a long season and you gotta trust it. I’ve tried ’em all, I really have, and the only church that truly feeds the soul, day in, day out, is the Church of Baseball.

Play ball!

2 thoughts on “Thank heavens for baseball……

  1. “Oh yeah?.. I hear you couldn’t hit water if you fell out of a fuckin’ boat” – Crash Davis to Nook LaLoosh (could also apply to Mitt Romney)

  2. Your shower shoes have fungus on them. You’ll never make it to the bigs with fungus on your shower shoes. Think classy, you’ll be classy. If you win 20 in the show, you can let the fungus grow back and the press’ll think you’re colorful. Until you win 20 in the show, however, it means you are a slob.

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