Man Dehydrates After Discovering Water Is Halal Certified…


A Brisbane man has died of dehydration today after refusing to consume water following the revelation that technically water is halal certified.

Forty two year old Brisbane local Keith Sheen, a noted opponent of what he believes Halal to mean, brazenly refused to consume water or any drink containing water to protest Halal certification. He also vocally expressed his outrage that two-thirds of the planet he inhabited was composed of what he called ‘the Muslim liquid’.

His body succumbed to dehydration earlier this morning.

Mr. Sheen had previously complained about products in his local supermarket containing dietary information such as Halal certification.

“Why should I have to look at that when it doesn’t apply to me,” Mr. Sheen once wrote to his local newspaper. “It’s the same with these peanut allergy warnings. I don’t personally have a peanut allergy so we should get rid of them for everyone. It’s only fair.”

“You know what harm it does me to look at Halal certification? None at all. But what if the answer was ‘some’? That would be unacceptable.”

Sheen insisted that his objection to Halal certification was not on the basis of racism or anti-religious bigotry, claiming he was not personally a racist but just “said racist things and acted in a racist way all the time”.


3 thoughts on “Man Dehydrates After Discovering Water Is Halal Certified…

  1. People commit suicide for the oddest reasons. Was this guy just as adamant about not consuming Kosher certified food?

  2. Psst Tea Partiers: Water is made to Shariah standards. It converts your body to the worship of Allah!

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