Saturday Night Live has a good one:
Category: Humor
‘Just put the fucking turkey in the oven’
A Thanksgiving favorite:
Man Dehydrates After Discovering Water Is Halal Certified…
A Brisbane man has died of dehydration today after refusing to consume water following the revelation that technically water is halal certified.
Forty two year old Brisbane local Keith Sheen, a noted opponent of what he believes Halal to mean, brazenly refused to consume water or any drink containing water to protest Halal certification. He also vocally expressed his outrage that two-thirds of the planet he inhabited was composed of what he called ‘the Muslim liquid’.
His body succumbed to dehydration earlier this morning.
Mr. Sheen had previously complained about products in his local supermarket containing dietary information such as Halal certification.
“Why should I have to look at that when it doesn’t apply to me,” Mr. Sheen once wrote to his local newspaper. “It’s the same with these peanut allergy warnings. I don’t personally have a peanut allergy so we should get rid of them for everyone. It’s only fair.”
“You know what harm it does me to look at Halal certification? None at all. But what if the answer was ‘some’? That would be unacceptable.”
Sheen insisted that his objection to Halal certification was not on the basis of racism or anti-religious bigotry, claiming he was not personally a racist but just “said racist things and acted in a racist way all the time”.
Corbett pins hopes on deadbeat Democrats
I was telling Swamp Rabbit that the key to re-election of unpopular Republican incumbents such as Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Corbett is to keep down the turnout among registered Democrats. That’s why the Republican Party, with help from the U.S. Supreme Court, is trying to impose restrictive voter ID laws in as many states as possible.
The rabbit, floating on his back in the swamp, said, “I don’t get it, Odd Man. Why bother passing laws? Most Dems don’t vote anyway.”
He reminded me that a GOP-backed law requiring PA voters to show a state-approved photo ID at the polls was struck down by a judge earlier this year. Which means the GOP is still pinning its hopes for victory in PA on voter apathy rather than voter suppression, especially in midterm elections.
“Here’s a fun fact,” the rabbit said after crawling onto the porch of my shack in Tinicum. “Voter turnout in heavily Democratic Philadelphia was about 700,000 when Barack Obama ran in 2008, but it was only 450,000 in 2010, when Corbett snuck in. No way Corbett wins if deadbeat Dems in Philly and other counties get off their asses.”
“You’re blaming the victims,” I said, watching the rabbit wipe pond scum off his fur. “Corbett won in 2010 because of the hick vote. I’m thinking of what James Carville said back in the day — Pennsylvania is Philly and Pittsburgh, and Alabama in between.”
“That’s a cute quote,” the rabbit said, grabbing the bottle of Wild Turkey he’d left on the windowsill. “But it don’t mean nothin’ if Dems vote for the Dem instead of just whining that Corbett is bad news for poor and fair-to-middlin’ people.”
The rabbit guzzled bourbon and rattled off facts. Corbett remained a rabid foe of tax increases even as the state sank deeper into debt. He took care of his friends in the fracking industry by taxing them next to nothing while he was cutting close to a billion dollars from the education budget. He endorsed vaginal probes in supporting crusaders against abortion. He blamed drug users for the state’s unemployment rate. He wasn’t even very popular with Republican voters.
All true, I said, but why assume Democrat Tom Wolf would undo any of the damage, especially given the fact that so many state legislators are as reactionary as Corbett? And what about all those voters who are registered as independents?
“No way of knowing how they gonna vote,” the rabbit conceded. “But you don’t change nothin’ by bitchin’ about Corbett on Facebook. You cannot win if you do not play.”
He had me on the defensive. “You talk a good game, rodent, but you aren’t going to vote, are you?”
He spat in the swamp and said, “I would if I was a human. What’s your excuse?”
So the Kochs started advertising on the Daily Show
And Jon Stewart had some thoughts:
Hang in for the ending
When right-wingers attempt comedy
It’s never pretty. Apparently some right-wing Texas oil billionaire wants to fund a wingnut version of the Daily Show, and well, you can see for yourself how that worked out.
The only part that’s funny is when he does the extended bit about how the government didn’t fix New Orleans. Like most wingers, he never bothered to actually inform himself. If he had, he’d know that the reason New Orleans wasn’t fixed is that George W. Bush basically privatized the city after Katrina. There’s your free market for ya, pal. You won’t catch up to Jon Stewart anytime soon because you’re not as smart and informed. (And even he’s not as informed as I wish he was.)
This would have been a crowdpleaser, I guess
Pretty interesting. But I’d rather have John Oliver, who doesn’t play the “both sides do” schtick that Stewart does — and is actually angry over what the oligarchs do to people:
This Sunday marks Chuck Todd’s one-month anniversary in the anchor chair at Meet the Press. Despite an opening-week ratings spike from his exclusive sit-down interview with President Obama, the Todd-helmed show has settled back into third place behind ABC’s This Week and CBS’s Face the Nation. This has been frustrating to NBC News executives, who at one point had considered going in a radically different direction with the show.
Before choosing Todd, NBC News president Deborah Turness held negotiations with Jon Stewart about hosting Meet the Press, according to three senior television sources with knowledge of the talks. One source explained that NBC was prepared to offer Stewart virtually “anything” to bring him over. “They were ready to back the Brink’s truck up,” the source said. A spokesperson for NBC declined to comment. James Dixon, Stewart’s agent, did not respond to multiple requests for comment.
It makes sense that NBC would make a run at Stewart. The comedian-cum-media-critic possesses something that broadcast executives covet: a loyal, young audience. And it’s not the first time NBC tried recruiting him. According to sources, NBC Entertainment courted Stewart several years ago for a 10 p.m. variety show (the slot ultimately went to Jay Leno). This April, CBS announced Stewart’s Comedy Central colleague Stephen Colbert will replace David Letterman next year.
Pretending to be HONY…
http://youtu.be/BAfCES83uA4
Nightmare on Graham street
Jon Stewart really let Goober Graham have it last night over his ISIS pantswetting:

